Let's Clear The Air

I'm thoroughly convinced rumors come from those that ache and long for movie-like excitement in their lives. I can't blame them, I've been there too. Hear something, say something and then you manage the mill as the rumors fly. 

You may have guessed I've heard some rumors and speculations as to why my contract was terminated, and I'd like to address these concerns with the story-- MY STORY.

My first day and week of work I witnessed assaults on patients. Consent not obtained for procedures, unnecessary procedures that do way more harm than good. Even a true assault of a patient where a doctor asked the nurses to restrain her so he could deliver the baby-- she was unmedicated, knew how to move her body to get her baby out, was told don't move or you will hurt the baby, given medicine AFTER she said no to it, and almost received an episiotomy until I repeated that, "She said no." 

I reported my concerns to the manager, who played me like a fiddle. She asked for a written statement because they were trying to change the culture of the unit (because obviously following the best practice standards set by doctors and nurses nationwide was not within their cultural beliefs). I sent the written statement right away. And before everyone gets their panties twisted, I did not use names (mostly because I didn't know their names yet) and it was the simple facts. 

See, as a nurse we have it beaten into us that we can only write the facts of life when it comes to documentation. No adverbs or adjectives. No speculations. No subjective matter. Only the "he said, she did" etc. So that is exactly what I did. I gave the facts of what I witnessed done to this poor mother. 

And then the next week they wouldn't train me. Wouldn't give me a patient. Wouldn't sit with me to teach me how to do their ancient af paper charting. Actually placed me with a travel nurse who was assigned postpartum that day and does not do postpartum so she had no idea what to teach me for charting. When I raised this concern and asked to help with the next patient to come in, I was told the nurse with a new grad orientee would need to take any admits. All I wanted was to do the paperwork, the charting. I only had two days left of orientation to figure it out, right?

On my final day of orientation, I was given a c-section patient which required more charting (paper..don't get too excited) so that would work in my favor to figure out all the things and where everything goes etc etc. 

While we were at the nurse's station someone asked about my housing situation who knew I was looking for a new place. 

Someone else asked for more details and I gave them to her- I was living in a basement with 2 other older ladies and even more that lived on the main floor. They were all Hispanic and didn't speak English, I couldn't even communicate with them. Not to mention my bathroom-not-bathroom (it was a toilet in a closet and a shower stall I couldn't even lift my elbows in) was shared with the other basement ladies (possible band name!?) so leaving a toothbrush out was unheard of because of the lack of room in the "bathroom."

About an hour later I was pulled out of the surgery and told someone said I was offensive in my conversation about my housing situation and it wasn't going to be tolerated. 

The same manager that told me she wanted change for the unit told me I had to leave immediately with a smirk on her face. 

Add it up people- I said something about their god-complex doctors, I cited ACOG and AWOHNN standards and best practices they weren't following, I was openly advocating for patients, they refused to give me patients to train me.... they did not want me there from day one when I freaked out over a very unnecessary episiotomy on a first time mom. 

All they needed was for one thing they could justify to get me out, and I gave it to them when I repeated my story about my living situation that day. I had said this story to just about everyone I had met, but someone was told to find something on me. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe someone or someones had been told to find something about me to get me gone.

How have I handled this? Well I am an outward processor. So I continue to tell the story and find details from different people every time I tell it. The more I've discussed it, the clearer the picture becomes. 

Before I left, I felt a lot of peace going on this assignment. God opened every door. Yes, bumps happen. That's what happens on journeys. Were these bumps traumatic? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean his calling me to that hospital wasn't still a calling. 

As a friend said this week, Jesus didn't stay still often and often took ways the disciples didn't understand. Back roads and scenic highways when he so often could have gone straight to wherever and gotten there in half the time. Maybe the reason for going to this terrible little hospital was to fight for that one patient. that one sweet patient that just wanted to have an unmedicated delivery her way. Maybe there was trauma there and more trauma was prevented when I repeated her "No" to the doctor. Maybe she'll remember the only nurse in her room that respected her and just wanted her and her baby to be healthy. 

Maybe the coworker that told me how excited she was when I repeated the patient's answer against the episiotomy will feel encouraged to also speak up. That her voice also matters and sometimes assholes listen even when they don't want to. 

I was there for a reason, and I may never know the fullness of that reason or see the picture in full until my judgment day comes, but I know without a doubt God had me there. And he was protecting me and guiding me. 

((Also, if you have questions, please ask me. Do not speculate about what coulda/woulda/shoulda happened. I'm open about things. I want people to learn from my mistakes. I want to continue to learn as a person/nurse/Christian. But speculating with "Well I heard..." does no one any good.))