Along For The Ride

I love the saying,"there's a light at the end of the tunnel!" It's supposed to bring hope and comfort in dark times, just keep pressing on and eventually you'll be out of this dark spot.  But sometimes the light is not a hopeful sign. It's a train. Coming full speed ahead, ready to derail you again and again.  Today my surgeon told me there's possibly more surgery in my near future. Not just like in a few years, but near. Like within two months. And the only reason it's two months is because he's giving my body and team six weeks to get my knee right.  So yea, that light at the end of the tunnel can go fuck itself.  Now that I've vented and scared anyone reading this, please know I am not hopeless. I am seeing God move in this darkness every hour of every day. Three days ago, God brought proverbs 4:20 to my mind. 4:20-23 talks about God's word being healing to the WHOLE body. Health to the body. Not just like..the church body. Sure there...

 this is going to be a long one.  let me start by saying 2022 sucked royally for me. for the first time in my adult life, i was in love with a narcissist that felt like a dream come true. what's that mean? i finally found someone i was attracted to and connected with on more than small talk levels, but when i expressed what i needed from the relationship, he couldn't (read: wouldn't) come through. After six months of planning life with him, i ended things.  not only did I end things, i decided moving across the country to start a new career as a travel nurse was a good idea. spoiler alert- it was not a good idea. i serial dated for a couple months before the Lord shook the ground beneath me and shouted STOP as loud as my heart could take. stop dating, stop trying to move, stop. just STOP. so i stopped. i began to heal, i began to lean into Him and trust Him again.  then i decided i would have major surgery...again. only two years after my first major surgery (gastric...