Along For The Ride

I'm the kind of stubborn that is described in mythology. I swear I am. I dig my heals in. I fight hard. I was named after an amazingly stubborn woman. Her family's animal on their crest was a warthog representing their stubbornness.  Another way to say stubborn is "strong willed." We use it to describe children that have to try things their own way before learning the way of wisdom.  This was me. In a lot of areas and throughout life. I do things the hardest way possible first, and then find I could have saved myself money, hardship, and excess work if i had listened to or even asked for wisdom.  But that will has gotten me through some incredibly tough times.  And right now, I can't just will myself through this recovery.  I need God's will. Which sucks because I'm stubborn and controlling and don't want to wait for him to heal me.  If I could will anything to just be done, this knee would be better. The complications would disappear. I'd be able ...

I love the saying,"there's a light at the end of the tunnel!" It's supposed to bring hope and comfort in dark times, just keep pressing on and eventually you'll be out of this dark spot.  But sometimes the light is not a hopeful sign. It's a train. Coming full speed ahead, ready to derail you again and again.  Today my surgeon told me there's possibly more surgery in my near future. Not just like in a few years, but near. Like within two months. And the only reason it's two months is because he's giving my body and team six weeks to get my knee right.  So yea, that light at the end of the tunnel can go fuck itself.  Now that I've vented and scared anyone reading this, please know I am not hopeless. I am seeing God move in this darkness every hour of every day. Three days ago, God brought proverbs 4:20 to my mind. 4:20-23 talks about God's word being healing to the WHOLE body. Health to the body. Not just like..the church body. Sure there...

 this is going to be a long one.  let me start by saying 2022 sucked royally for me. for the first time in my adult life, i was in love with a narcissist that felt like a dream come true. what's that mean? i finally found someone i was attracted to and connected with on more than small talk levels, but when i expressed what i needed from the relationship, he couldn't (read: wouldn't) come through. After six months of planning life with him, i ended things.  not only did I end things, i decided moving across the country to start a new career as a travel nurse was a good idea. spoiler alert- it was not a good idea. i serial dated for a couple months before the Lord shook the ground beneath me and shouted STOP as loud as my heart could take. stop dating, stop trying to move, stop. just STOP. so i stopped. i began to heal, i began to lean into Him and trust Him again.  then i decided i would have major surgery...again. only two years after my first major surgery (gastric...

I'm thoroughly convinced rumors come from those that ache and long for movie-like excitement in their lives. I can't blame them, I've been there too. Hear something, say something and then you manage the mill as the rumors fly.  You may have guessed I've heard some rumors and speculations as to why my contract was terminated, and I'd like to address these concerns with the story-- MY STORY. My first day and week of work I witnessed assaults on patients. Consent not obtained for procedures, unnecessary procedures that do way more harm than good. Even a true assault of a patient where a doctor asked the nurses to restrain her so he could deliver the baby-- she was unmedicated, knew how to move her body to get her baby out, was told don't move or you will hurt the baby, given medicine AFTER she said no to it, and almost received an episiotomy until I repeated that, "She said no."  I reported my concerns to the manager, who played me like a fid...

Sometimes things don't go as planned. You think this magical journey is God-ordained...and it is. But the way it goes, is not as we expected. But it is still, in fact, God-ordained. My contract ended early on Friday due to some disagreements. It's okay, and I'm okay. If something doesn't fit, you don't buy it right?? So I don't know what's next. I don't know if I'll be able to overcome the isnanity that was this travel nurse experience (because let's be honest, it's been one hell of an experience). Right now I'm enjoying my time off and traveling towards home.  There's a lot of moving parts when it comes to taking on another assignment right away.  All in all, I know God has brought me into this season for a reason (cliche I know). I don't know all the lessons I'm learning from it, but some are pretty obvious too.  Learning to let go, let God, and go along for the ride is probably the biggest thing right now. And I'm excit...

At the beginning of June, I decided I wanted to do travel nursing. I broke up with my boyfriend and the city I was born and raised in was feeling so small.  Almost 8 years ago my nursing journey began. I was forced to become a boomer-rang kid and return home after finally getting my first degree (associate of business). If you remember, in 2014 we were coming out of a recession and this degree did me no favors. I was under- and over-qualified for everything! Even Starbucks wouldn't hire me... So home I went. And I fell back in love with my dear New Orleans. We had a great relationship. I loved all the fun she had to offer, and even the dangerous parts of her city gave me little leaps of excitement (don't tell my mom).  I finally went back to school and became a nurse! Woohoo! I graduated in December 2019 and was SO excited to be SPECIFICALLY  a New Orleans nurse! I even drunkenly exclaimed how excited I was on Bourbon Street as we waited for the fleur de lis to drop in th...